Whod you bang
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just cut my nipple shaving
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
