Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
