Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
