all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
