Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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