Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
