I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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