remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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