You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
