I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i will never coherently bang her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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