pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
