my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Your cock deserves a montage
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
