The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
