If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
