I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
