i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
