He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
