Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I want a musical about memes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
