so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
