So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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