I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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