thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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