3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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