She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
