need another drink. this is the easiest way
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
