I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have aggressive nipples.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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