i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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