He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
