Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
