I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
