I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize