I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
