24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize