I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
