Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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