i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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