i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
