oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize