i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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