Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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