I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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