in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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