I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
