Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
