and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
