Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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