my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
