I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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