i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
