my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can you bring me the toilet please
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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