I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
