Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
