I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
