I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
