Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
