my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
