i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
