Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
