So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
