'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
