This girl is more easily done than said...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
