I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
